SamBally
Dance with me until the sun rises!
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A MAN who has been consistently pissed for the last four decades is on the brink of a truly catastrophic hangover.
Dave Pile, aged 59, marched straight out to support his local by drinking a few pints when it first opened its doors on May 30th 40 years ago, but has now been completely trolleyed for more than four decades and is on the verge of the most momentous hangover in human history.
Mr Pile said: “It was only meant to be a couple with some mates. Relaxed, in a beer garden, celebrating qualifying as a bookkeeper.
“But it seemed selfish to restrict our business to one pub, so we did a few, then a few more, and now 40 years have gone by and I’ve been smashed the whole time and I’m not ready for what’s next. My head hurts just thinking about it.
“I’ve had some hangovers in my time but I think this could be the big one. A pint of water and two paracetamol isn’t going to save me this time.
“The prudent option seems to be to keep drinking until the next Covid-19 pandemic is declared. Even then I might just drink further and further north until I’m over the Scottish border where they’ll stay open.”
Pile then collapsed drooling on the table, oblivious to the cataclysmic gathering storm in his head.
Dave Pile, aged 59, marched straight out to support his local by drinking a few pints when it first opened its doors on May 30th 40 years ago, but has now been completely trolleyed for more than four decades and is on the verge of the most momentous hangover in human history.
Mr Pile said: “It was only meant to be a couple with some mates. Relaxed, in a beer garden, celebrating qualifying as a bookkeeper.
“But it seemed selfish to restrict our business to one pub, so we did a few, then a few more, and now 40 years have gone by and I’ve been smashed the whole time and I’m not ready for what’s next. My head hurts just thinking about it.
“I’ve had some hangovers in my time but I think this could be the big one. A pint of water and two paracetamol isn’t going to save me this time.
“The prudent option seems to be to keep drinking until the next Covid-19 pandemic is declared. Even then I might just drink further and further north until I’m over the Scottish border where they’ll stay open.”
Pile then collapsed drooling on the table, oblivious to the cataclysmic gathering storm in his head.